Anyone who knows me knows that I cook, quite a bit. Especially on special occasions. It is this fact, and the fact that I enjoy it, that has me thinking perhaps I should go to culinary school. While going to culinary school is no guarantee of working in a professional culinary environment, I think it gives one a leg up in that department. Yes, I can start out by becoming a Commis chef (lowest level chef) and work my way up, but I feel the knowledge, rather the specific knowledge I want (pastry and baking) would be best achieved in learning from an official program.
I will continue to pray about it and search, both information wise and internally, but it’s something that I get really excited about. In the right setting, I could cook all the time. I’ve discovered that I don’t like sitting inside all day. I love to do something different everyday and my soul lights on fire when I have a challenging creative project in front of me. This can span various career areas: writing, decorating, event planning, travel writing, food writing, business owner (probably food related), all of which I’m looking into as possibilities. However, I feel my foundation will be culinary school and a Master’s (that is one of the things I am still researching, in terms of a specific area). The point is that I feel my possibilities are endless, open but most importantly, mine.
I went through some rough seas in college. No, nothing was happening externally. Externally, life was perfect and I was one of the lucky few that had been given a gift of God: a scholarship that paid everything plus some. Internally I was in turmoil, asking that question that plague so many, especially in the college sphere: What am I going to do with my life? For the longest time, up until the last half of my senior year, that question tortured me.
There’s this pressure that nearly everyone feels. It’s a pressure about starting out young with a bang and showing those who know you, showing yourself, that you are indeed making something of yourself in an acceptable way. I.E., choosing a career, moving up the ladder, and following all the supposed steps of life. I was feeling this pressure for the longest. I wanted (still want to, btw) to do and try everything. I wanted the world to be my oyster; however, I was feeling that pressure, from myself and others, to choose a more solid path. I almost quit college at one point, but thankfully decided that would be a huge regret down the road. I’m only a year down the road after graduation and I know, I would have regretted it. Through talking to trusted advisers, friends, family, myself, and most importantly, God, I just let go. I had felt that pressure because I had been given an opportunity others would have seized and flew with and succeeded in their careers. I felt less, ungrateful, and quite like someone who didn’t have it together because I didn’t have it figured out like everyone else.
When I finally chose a major (Thank you Dr. W), it was perfect. Communication Studies. The study of communication. Who knew it could be so fascinating? I had always been fascinated with the skill I seemed never to be able to attain: effectively communicating. Sure, I’d given speeches, but they were bare bones at best. Furthermore, I was/am a people person. At the time, mostly because of lack of self-confidence, I wasn’t a great communicator. I’m not a great communicator now, but I certainly know more about it and am always improving. Due to various events in life, I was stilted and awkward, especially around new people. But I knew this was my path. Communication Studies with a Public Relations minor. What I liked best about it though is that it didn’t box me in. One could say no particular area boxes one in; however, I had been a fashion design major for about 30 seconds, and that path is pretty set. With Communication my career possibilities were blown wide open because everything, especially nowadays, is about communication. I could/can/will do anything. Once I realized this, I no longer felt like I was constantly having a heart attack: This seizing panic that I needed to choose something and fast so I could get ahead of my peers. I felt relaxed and happy when I realized I didn’t have to participate in the rat race.
Except for world-changing events that would alter society, which may very well happen, I am all-in-all free to do whatever I want. I realized the degree was a springboard, an opening of doors to do whatever I wanted. I decided to move to Ireland and work for a year. It’s something I had wanted to do since sophomore year and, through the optimistic insistence of my sister, I went with it. I had all these thoughts: oh, it’ll set me back professionally (I don’t really have that figured out yet, so I’m good), oh what if I regret it later (I don’t think I’ll regret Ireland), what will people think, specifically those who have supported me and paid my way? They’ll just think I’m blowing my life away. To myself, and to those who are reading this post, I am making something of myself. I’m not sure what that will be yet, but I am freeing myself to try different things, different flavors (literal and of life), different places in this life to try to find ME. I’m doing all of that with God’s guidance, creator of the universe and the one who knows exactly what I’m meant to do in this world. So, be confident in the fact that I will choose something one day soon, something where I can give back to those who have paved my way, where I can feel that my existence wasn’t pointless, where I can contribute to the world, even in the smallest way.
I am not foundering. I am searching. I am going on adventure. The one of a lifetime. The one for a lifetime.